Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Bhairav NX
The two sleuths moved slowly into the dark, dingy street. Black sunshades, collars drawn up, a cigarette leaning at a low angle from the corner of the mouth, its smoke curling into a plume heightening the eerie stillness of the atmosphere (Nah, I just made up the smoking part. Hey, crazy kids out there reading our stories! Smoking is bad for health- B-A-A-A-A-D! We fully endorse censorship for smoking in the film industry! Go Sharmila Tagore! The cigarette was just to add a touch of film noir to the story)
So, to continue…who were these two dashing detectives? A closer look at the smaller figure revealed the flash of an orange saree under the black overcoat. “AHA!” The reader will now say, “I know these two, but aren’t they gay?” (Pardonnez-moi, the rhyme was just too tempting…though our orientation is truly suspect)
In they went, into the dingy, winding lane, walking on tiptoe till they arrived at their destination atlast. A huge neon sign declared “BHAIRAV NX: The shopper’s haven for lingerie, hosiery, nighties and more.” “I don’t believe they have the gall to strap us down like this…lets attack, Rithambhara!” “Patience…” counseled the wise Rithambhara. “Focus. There’s a right time and place for everything. Let’s go in.” And in they slunk.
“May I help you ladies?” (The camouflage obviously wasn’t very successful.) “I…uh…I want to buy one of these…” spluttered Bhatavdekar, fingering a lacy brassiere, “Uh…one of…oh dear god, I cant do this. Rithambhara, please take over.” “Alright, screw the right time and place!” said Rithambhara whipping out her shotgun, “ Give me all the bras you have here. And don’t forget the stock you have in the godown.” “But, but I-why do you…” “NOW!” And the shopkeeper knew when he had been defeated. Fleeing in the face of convixion itself, he returned with his stock, cowering before the haloed duo.
The entire stock wighed some 20 kilos. They dragged the sack between them, leaving a trail of bras in their wake. “The women of this world will thank you, dear man, for giving away so much of this chauvinistic invention.” And off they flew, leaving the ignorant shopekeeper gaping with his mouth open. What did he know of morals, of high minded convixions that these two had chosen to dedicate their life to?
And so they went, higher and higher, till you could see their shadowy figures across the moon. Two tired superwomen, with the burdens of the world on their strong shoulders, not to mention a 15 kilo sack (5 kilos had fallen out and were still floating down from the sky. The papers had a snippet about superstitious locals talking of a hosiery hailstorm days afterwards, but who believes those ignoramuses?)
The fires set their faces aglow with burning determination as they incinerated yet one more stockpile of bras. 20 kilos down (or so they thought), and many million more to go…and I have miles to go before I sleep and miles to go before I sleep….
So, to continue…who were these two dashing detectives? A closer look at the smaller figure revealed the flash of an orange saree under the black overcoat. “AHA!” The reader will now say, “I know these two, but aren’t they gay?” (Pardonnez-moi, the rhyme was just too tempting…though our orientation is truly suspect)
In they went, into the dingy, winding lane, walking on tiptoe till they arrived at their destination atlast. A huge neon sign declared “BHAIRAV NX: The shopper’s haven for lingerie, hosiery, nighties and more.” “I don’t believe they have the gall to strap us down like this…lets attack, Rithambhara!” “Patience…” counseled the wise Rithambhara. “Focus. There’s a right time and place for everything. Let’s go in.” And in they slunk.
“May I help you ladies?” (The camouflage obviously wasn’t very successful.) “I…uh…I want to buy one of these…” spluttered Bhatavdekar, fingering a lacy brassiere, “Uh…one of…oh dear god, I cant do this. Rithambhara, please take over.” “Alright, screw the right time and place!” said Rithambhara whipping out her shotgun, “ Give me all the bras you have here. And don’t forget the stock you have in the godown.” “But, but I-why do you…” “NOW!” And the shopkeeper knew when he had been defeated. Fleeing in the face of convixion itself, he returned with his stock, cowering before the haloed duo.
The entire stock wighed some 20 kilos. They dragged the sack between them, leaving a trail of bras in their wake. “The women of this world will thank you, dear man, for giving away so much of this chauvinistic invention.” And off they flew, leaving the ignorant shopekeeper gaping with his mouth open. What did he know of morals, of high minded convixions that these two had chosen to dedicate their life to?
And so they went, higher and higher, till you could see their shadowy figures across the moon. Two tired superwomen, with the burdens of the world on their strong shoulders, not to mention a 15 kilo sack (5 kilos had fallen out and were still floating down from the sky. The papers had a snippet about superstitious locals talking of a hosiery hailstorm days afterwards, but who believes those ignoramuses?)
The fires set their faces aglow with burning determination as they incinerated yet one more stockpile of bras. 20 kilos down (or so they thought), and many million more to go…and I have miles to go before I sleep and miles to go before I sleep….
- Dhulandar Bhatavdekar
Sunday, February 19, 2006
Bhatavdekar and Rithambara: Episode 1
And there one saw the familiar sight again…the flash of an orange sari and a white dhoti, high up in the sky, flying, soaring in the face of fear. Of course, the orange saree was faltering a little due to the heavy load of the girl on her ( she was pretty slim…it must be all the malice in her heart)
“What shall we do with A******e?” (name changed to protect identity…though we’d give a damn? We don’t mind her being stigmatized, and/or lynched) Bhatavdekar came up with an idea “Let her serve the triple purpose we had talked of- the triple causes of blindness, handicap and freedom of mvt of women!” And Rithambhara, with her usual wit and genius, “Yes! And the letters can now complete our logo! B-R-A!”
So there, you could see their purpose, their calling. The dedicated duo fighting constantly for the right of freedom of movement of women, attacking every lingerie shoppe they could set their hands on, descending on them in the cold, pure moonlight.
They scaled the fence to
What happened to Bhatavdekar? (Hint, her dhoti had caught in the barbed wire on the fence...) Will the deadly duo manage to destroy the evil in
The Movement?
Bhatavdekar and Rithamabara the movement? A comment from bhatavdevkar of bhatavdekar and rithambara fame, suggestin that we start a movement, somethin on the lines of the beat mvmt or like dadaism - this once again got me thinkin of the possibilty of startin a mvmt! actually recently (thanks to these blasted exams) it dsnt take much for me to begin thinkin about obscure things like this when i shld be focusing a little more of my attention on the all important exams! Any way now that i have deviated enough it is time for me to get back to discussing our future movement! Several hours were spent on the kind of movemnet it shld be, reformist, revolutionarty? what are cause shld be? whether we shld wear superhero like leotards and dash across the city spreadin our yet to be decided to message?
then finally we hit upon it, Bhatavdekar would have a large 'B' on her costume, i(rithambara) would have a large 'R' on mine and then we wld con some unsuspectin fool to wear an 'A', after rechristenin the poor soul somethin equally (if not more) ridiculous (any volunteers??) Together we would be part of the B - R - A movement, campaigin for the right for movement! Its time to do away with these restrictions, why shld we be strapped down by society in this ruthless manner! In due course the manifesto will take form, the logo shall be designed and the movement shall grow...sign up now, before we forget all about it!
Disclaimer: The views expressed in the above post are the rantings on an extremely unstable mind, which in five yrs time wld probably need severe institutional help, so till then pls do not give much importance to the inane chatter which goes on in the unstable mind, which rithamabara insists on postin on the blog - no sentiments were meant to be hurt durin the makin of this post, all characters are purely fictitious and exist only in the deep depths of this unstable mind. Thank thee!
The Chronicles of Bhatavdekar and Rithambara
That my friends is the title of my first book. dont worry i am not goin to venture on this suicide mission on my own, me and this moronic frnd of mine (moronic bcoz she wld have to be pretty supid to write a book in collaboration with me!!!) have decided to write a book in the form of various telephonc conversations with eachother. she will be called dulandhar bhatavdekar and me - ma prem rithambara (i am still reelin from the mild heart attack i got when i read this womans name in the newspaper - yes someone is actually named that!!)...
anyway our conversations would be extremely rude, totally politically incorrect and ofcourse side spittingly funny. this ofcourse would mean that our book would be banned in most countries, but would thrive in the gray market - we would both be ex-communicated from our respective religions and families and some fanatical group would probably issue a fatwa or somethin like close to that - however the millions we make should keep us happy. though we would but obviously be scarred by the emotional trauma we go through in the process (the millions would help at this point) - we shall channelise it and use it to write our next book - from prison ofcourse...so ladies and gentlemen - in the summer of 2007 please dont forget to pick up your own copy of the chronicles pf bhatavdekar and rithambara...
anyway our conversations would be extremely rude, totally politically incorrect and ofcourse side spittingly funny. this ofcourse would mean that our book would be banned in most countries, but would thrive in the gray market - we would both be ex-communicated from our respective religions and families and some fanatical group would probably issue a fatwa or somethin like close to that - however the millions we make should keep us happy. though we would but obviously be scarred by the emotional trauma we go through in the process (the millions would help at this point) - we shall channelise it and use it to write our next book - from prison ofcourse...so ladies and gentlemen - in the summer of 2007 please dont forget to pick up your own copy of the chronicles pf bhatavdekar and rithambara...
